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˙ʞuᴉɥʇ ᴉ 'ƃolq ɐ sᴉ sᴉɥʇ

how a broken dysfunctional brain works

normal

feel unloved –> desire love –> find love –> is happy
feel loved –> see self as deserving of love –> accept love –> is happy

broken

feel unloved –> desire love –> do not want to find love –> is suicidal
feel unloved –> desire love –> find love –> is suicidal

feel loved –> no need to desire love –> no need to find love –> is suicidal
feel loved –> do not see self as deserving of love –> reject love –> is suicidal

how’s it goin’ you piece of shit

all i want to do is fucking kill myself
how am i going to explain this to my therapist on my last free session with her?
i thought i was getting better
but now i’m plain shit again
i’m so fucking exhausted, did you know

and this story i’m writing is just pure shit
it sounds like fuck

saw nina agdal on tv and was like

well, time to give up on life!

depressed af but my only solace is

creating people and making things happen in fictional worlds. i don’t know if i can finish this story before the deadline. and i don’t think anything i write is really worthy of a submission, let alone an award. but it has to be an idea that i want to expand/am comfortable with expanding.